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November 2008
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March 2009

Software Vendor Speak

I've always enjoyed the "venture speak" humourous glossaries of what VCs really mean when they talk.  We are currently working on a sale mandate for a technology company, and while doing some research recently for a sale madate I came across somthing similar for software vendors which made me smile.

24/7/365 Customer Support
Any customer can call and talk to the support company's automated telephone system at any hour of any day.

AJAX Powered User Interface
Looks pretty, crashes often.

Highest Growth Company For ...
We just received a check from a venture capitalist and have finally moved out of Mom's basement to a real office.

Open Source
Your mission critical CRM application will be supported and extended by several high school students in undisclosed countries.

Security Compliant
If we can't access your data, we don't believe anybody else can either.

Sometimes Overextended Application

Software To Be Released Next Quarter
The calendar quarter has been specified; the year has not.

Web 2.0 Company
We're bringing back the ideas and business models from the dot com era.